Let them eat cake!

Friday - 22 degrees (in the sun - the wind a little chilly) - a perfect day to go to Versailles. We were picked up in a mini van by Rebecca - the best French, English speaking tour guide we've had to date. She was both knowledgeable and humourous and didn't just bombard us with dates and facts, but she told stories about the notable people, what they were like, how they related to each other and we, her group of 6 (us + a couple from New Jersey and a Filipino lady from New York), were hanging on her every word - and we're still in the bus, we hadn't even arrived at Versailles yet!

Because we had arrived with a tour guide, we scooted in front of the cues and straight in which was lucky as there were billions of people there.... it's nearly the end of the school year here, so lots of school groups were obviously wasting a day wandering the gardens - learning something I'm sure!

I had been to Versailles before and had wandered around with an audio guide - but going with a tour guide is 100% better. She told little anecdotes that you didn't get with the audio facts or with other tour guides - we heard another guide who looked and spoke a little like Julian Clarey - the French version, tell his group about a painting we were all looking at and he was very basic in his information whereas ours told the background story, what other people say about it, the painter's vision and why it was painted the way it was - all very interesting little add ons that the poor people in Julian's group weren't privy to! We learned that Louis XIV was a shortarse who wore very high hair, silk stockings and little pink heeled pumps to make him look taller - he even commissioned statues of himself in short tunics so that eyes of the viewer would go straight to the knees and then up - giving the illusion that he was taller and painters were ordered to put him into heroic positions on horses and in battle - talk about short man syndrome!

Rebecca left us in garden to wander around and take photos and awe at the grotesque display of wealth that was around us. It's quite amazing how much the royal family had and how much money they must have spent on that palace and surrounding dwellings when the people of Paris were starving! No wonder they cut off their heads! One of the King Louis even bought a gondola from Venice and had it brought back to Versaille only to realise that he had nowhere to use it..... so he had a water way in the shape of a cross built in the garden -1.5 km one way and 1 km the other way - of course!

This was a tree near Marie Antoinette's 'little' palace which apparently was there in her time - I thought it was beautiful with the heart shape in the middle.

After a lovely luncheon in the garden restaurant, we headed down to look at Marie Antoinette's day house, where she escaped to each day to be free of the "eticate" of the palace. Apparently she didn't like all the pomp and ceremony that went with her position. She also had a little theatre made where she would perform for her friends - self indulgent? Just a bit!

The crazy thing is that she NEVER slept in this palace. She had a bedroom set up and everything, but she only spent her days there and went back the main palace at night. Not only that - she also had a hamlet built - a little old fashioned village made up of wooden houses so that she could go there and pretend to be one of the "people".

She even employed a family to live in the makeshift village to make it look more authentic. We missed this part last time we were here - so this was a fabulous surprise.

Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

Whooooops! I'd just like to clarify that a few posts back, I referred to one of the chaps on our boat being like "Miff Warlberg"..... when in fact I meant "Miff Warhurst" of the spicks and specs fame..... and not the lesser known sister of Mark Warlberg of the Funky Bunch or NKOTB Fames.

Sorry Miff.

Culture Vultures

After being wowed by the D'Orsay Musee' the other day, Jen and I decided that we would tackle the Louvre. And quite frankly, you have to do at least once. Jode had done it once and decided that she would take herself elsewhere for a look at something new. I had also done it before, but someone had to go with me Jenny.

We were up at "the crack" as all the guide books and previous traveller advice givers tell you to do and we were there at the front door of the Louvre at 9am - opening time.... and we did quite well, no line outside and downstairs,

we walked straight up to the ticket counter - in fact we were in, down, around and in front of the Mona Lisa within 4-5 minutes! She's tiny, Mona. Those of you who have seen her will attest that she is a tiny painting and Jen and I sat and discussed the reasons as to why she was soooooo well known and popular.

We're not quite sure. Could it be the smile? Could it be the mystery that surrounds her? Could it be a massive marketing ploy like "The Blair Witch Project" which made people talk and watch and look and talk? And still generations later - we're still racing to get a gander at this tiny little painting. Anyway, after this discussion we sat in silence for a while just taking in the overwhelming surroundings that is the Louvre - French Impressionists, Italian Sculpture, Egyptian Artifacts...... and Jen's comment was.... "Gee that lady has got a pointy nose". I'd like to remind you that we were sitting in the Louvre in Paris, in France 'girt' by centuries old, priceless artworks and that's the only critique my cultured mother could conjure up about not just any piece of old art, but a living, moving, human lady as she walked past us, perhaps considering why the Mona Lisa was so popular. My Jenny just likes to call it like she sees it!

Me and Me Jenny outside the Louvre - just in case anyone was wondering..... my eyes - although still looking quite red and sore where much better the next day. I'd like to thank you for caring.

xxx

I Love Paris in the Spring Time

I so love Paris! Really, I do - wandering around the arrondissments, picking up a baguette or croissant (or both) and eating them under the Eiffel Tower or the Luxembourg Jardin,

strolling up and down the local backstreet markets, finding that one off piece of clothing that you just know that nobody in Australia is going to have,

meandering around the art galleries and amazing churches and cathedrals,

taking photos of people who are pretending to hold up the Eiffel Tower.

But one thing that I do not enjoy is the 100% pollen in the air.

I've pretty much got the nose and throat cleared and covered with some chemical help, but nothing helps the eyes! I've tried drops, I've tried rubbing them until the balls are ready to come out, I've tried sloushing them out with water, salty water, boiled water, bottled water - and nothing! How is that we can fly to the moon and get big, heavy ships to float and operate on somebody's brain and yet we still can't find a way to stop pollen getting into my eyes! This should be a priority!



I had never EVER suffered from hayfever before I moved to London.... then as the first summer started peaking around the corner - it hit me like a ton of bricks - I didn't know what to do. The local chemist (I did know him by name back then) gave me one of everything to try and see what worked the best, but since being back in Australia (obviously not the same pollen there) I'm all ok.



Am I allergic to Europe in the warm and pretty flower months of the year? Is that what this is all about? I am seeing Paris through a smeary eyes. Hopefully I'll be able to look back on the photos and see what it was like.

Le Moulin Rouge

When you arrive in Paris and you love Ewen McGregor (and are able to put Nicole Kidman out of your mind) - where's the first place you think of going? It's the MOULIN ROUGE of course! And that's where we headed on our first night in Gay Paris..... And how fabulous it was. I actually saw this same show a few years ago and enjoyed it just as much. The wonderful costumes, the campness of the dancers, the fabulous Vaudeville performers - special mention to the ventriloquist who got his dog to talk - it was creepy and yet intriguing!

Jeeeennnyyyy, you don' t have to put on that red light

We arrived in Amsterdam about midday and got straight into it - 1st stop - canal cruise. Our tour guide was Lisa and she was hilarious. She had the best Dutch accent - she rolled her R's... all of them, no matter where they were situated in the word. She loved saying the word "Sleezy" - "it's the type of word you don't need to know the meaning and you know what it means!" She didn't like much - the Dutch language was too gutteral, the political decisions in Holland were ridiculous, the architecture around Amsterdam - she said the 70's have a lot to answer for! She got a bit stressed with the older members of our group (that's 90%) who found it hard to follow instructions. "It's easy! - You just follow me! You are on coach number 3. So you are on boat number 3. There are other groups so stay with me. When we got on the boat, two people had gotten on the other boat and we had 4 extras that we didn't have on the bus! She also, with my assistance as the "RVO" had to save a few of the clueless old dears from being knocked down by bikes - standing cluelessly in the bike lane.

The only mode of transport in Amsterdam..... there are more bikes than there are people living here. There is no point in buying an expensive bike, because they are stolen all the time - our tour guide said that sure if was frustrating, but even more so when you have to go all the way home to get your bolt cutters and then go back in order to steal a bike to replace yours! She said it is the way it is and a common thing to do.

After leaving the tour group and heading off on our own, with another couple, and wandered around on our own.... now when you're in Amsterdam and you haven't been there before - it's fairly common to want to go and have a little look at the Red Light District..... sure it's seedy, sure is sleezy, but it's also a great way to feel a whole lot better about yourself really quickly!

Now when you're travelling with your mother, you do have to ask yourself if this is the best idea... but in a group, in day light, we decided that it was safe enough and that we all had to have a look. Clearly not people who seek out ladies of the night frequently, not even in the day - we had to ask for a bit of direction.... one lady thought it was very comical and was happy to point us the right way. We passed a few window and there were ladies of all shapes and sizes offering their wares. Jen was ooing and arring and then we came across a plumper lady who was looking a little worse for wear. She had darned holes in her fishnets and was sort of slumped, looking bored on her stool. Jen stopped and said to us, "Well, you could make an effort, couldn't you?" I'm actually surprised that she didn't tap on the window and give her a bit of grooming advice.

Cheeky Bugger!

I found out today that the cheeky chap who used my computer to check his horses... well his horse won - he popped his head into our room whilst I sat in the doorway to let us know and that it just paid for his cruise! I'm going to think twice next time I do something out of the goodness of my heart!

We had to pack up all our things today and it appears that we've purchased a few fridge magnets already and my case won't close.... we're only on the first leg.

We hit Amsterdam today!

Rude as you like!

The day of my birthday was spent in a town called Rudesheim - which because of this story is how I remember where I was! After taking a little train from the ship up the hill to the mechanical musical instrument museum

and here we met "Gretal the Grinder"

our tour guide who showed us around the museum. She was dressed in olde worlde clothes and was as happy as Larry! She showed about 40 of us into a small and airless room where we watched her crank an old monkey grinding music machine. At first it was great - we're all thinking imagine music in those days....... how funny now we have iPods etc..... then as she played her 5th song and said with too much enthusiasm for the 5th time - "Please feel free to dance if you feel you want to" - we all looked at each other in that collective concerned way where you all realise at the same time that you have in fact been locked in an airless, windowless room with a nut.

We finally got out of that room, but were then subjected (even thought it was quite interesting) to a number of other airless rooms, where she played just as enthusiastically calling out he old catchcry "Dance if you feel like it" the last room naturally led into the museum shop where my Jenny bought me a beautiful music box that plays "Love Story" for my birthday.

Next...... Jen and I took off up the cable car to the top of the highest hill that overlooks the Rhine Gorge and the amazing town of Rudesheim - hills covered in grape vines.

And at the top of the mounting - this amazing statue of Germania - a symbol of the unification of Germany.

Jen and I then went to lunch..... and here comes the crux of the story..... we order from this surley waitress, who is, I'll admit, made to dress up in a traditional costume - but that is still no fault of mine. We consume a beautiful lunch and listen to some wonderful music and sip a couple of well earned German beers.... then Jen got up to pay the nice lady who has not even come close to a smile the whole time we're there, and I slowly saunter off into the street to browse the shops whilst I wait. I had only got about a metre away from the restaurant and was (hardly running away) looking into the shop window when our happy happy waitress came running around the corner (nearly running into me) and said, quite loudly I might add, "You haven't paid!" To which I replied - yes, my mother is paying inside now." Without a word - she spun around on her heels and flew inside. I followed to make sure all was ok. When I got there and Jen was signing the docket the waitress avoided eye contact with me, even though I was clearly wanting to make eye contact with her. I wanted an apology. Even something small like maybe....."Oops, sorry about that. We sometimes get people who do runners and even though you don't look like the type of person who would do that sort of thing, I just have to be safe - but I really shouldn't have spoken to you like that and whilst I'm being honest here - I really should have smiled whilst serving you and made you feel a little bit more welcome in the establishment in which I work....." something like that. She was giving me absolutely nothing. I was being denied the verbal recognition of a waitress in a small German village who I was pretty much guaranteed never to see again that I was actually an honest person. As we left, I pulled out the only gun I had left - sarcasm. And as I passed her cleaning up our table and in ear shot of the people at the next table who had seen the whole shamozle I said, "You have yourself a really nice day, won't you?" to which she replied with a little bit of surprise, a smile and not an ounce of sarcasm "Oh, thank you - bye" - completely genuine! Happy as you like..... Rude as you like!

On the way back to the ship, we passed this sign - any ideas as to what it might mean and any guesses as to why they would need such a sign?

MY BIRTHDAY DINNER

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to Me

Tonight's dinner was held at the Portobello's Restaurant - the ship's special restaurant which we needed to book for at the beginning of the week. I did this and the restaurant manager noted down all our cabin numbers as he was meant to do - so I thought, as you would, that the booking was all ok - however......... Peter, our lovely restaurant manager had only counted 8 instead of 10 in our party and therefore had only set a table for 8...... there was going to be a big saga, but Peter, realising his mistake was very quick to rectify the situation..... complete with the offer of a bottle of complimentry Verve.... he said "Complimentary, of course" I said - "Of course", then when the table was ready, he came to let us know and he said "You're table is ready and of course your one bottle of champagne" I looked at him with a mock confused expression and said "Wasn't it 2 bottles?" Peter replied, without skipping a beat - "Of course it was 2 - I'm sorry" A brilliant night was had - food was lovely and the service was overdone for effect. Happy Birthday to me!

Our lovely dinner guests who joined us the occasion.

Jenny and I (in fascinator) celebrating my birthday

This is what we came back to our cabin to find - Eva, our lovely Cabin Stewardess had fashioned a cake out of towels! Pure Genius!

A little insight into my world

This is the position in where I have written most of these blogs - it's the only place in our cabin where I can access full and uninterupted internet. In case you are not sure of where I am - I'm sitting in the cabin, but the computer needs to be outside in the corridor. I chose to sit here because the one time I lugged everything down to the lounge area - I had all kinds of passing traffic and people sitting with me and then chatting - even though I was clearly doing something..... so I thought that the comforts of my own room would be better - but since sitting in the door way I've had more people stopping for a chat. At first they would stop and ask what I was doing - then I got the "state the obvious" comments like - "Oh, the only place you can get the internet hey?" - "no", I would reply in my head - "this just felt like the most comfortable and appropriate place to sit!"...... More comments, people tickling my feet - comments about the feet, stories about their feet!!!! and then the man across the way cheekily says "I might get you to check something for me when you've finished doing what you're doing"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEEK! He wanted to check how his horses faired on Harness Racing.com! And - not even a tip was given - wanker!